04.01.20

Pillow Thoughts - Courtney Peppernell

So yesterday I planned to stay in all day catching up on uni work.

I thought I better get it over with so that I can enjoy the little time I have left here - here being Tenerife.

But my Dad had hired a little boat out for a few hours to go fishing with my brother, & just as they were about to leave I thought:

"f*ck it - I'm going too!"

Why stay in all day when I could spend time with my family & work under the sun?

So I threw my hair in a messy bun, packed a bikini, my uni work, some light reading & set off.

(This might seem like a random blog post but there is a point to this...)

Once we made it to the boat we set up & I found a spot ready to do some uni work - that was until I got roped into catching some fish myself.

If you know my Dad you know he has his little ways of guilt-tripping me, so as usual, I conceded.

One of the crew taught me what to do & before I knew it I was catching fish at sea!

Funny that I've never done it before (unless you count me tagging along one of my Dads fishing trips to the lake when I was about seven as fishing) & I ended up catching more than everyone else - which I then rubbed in their faces the rest of the day.

Anyway, after my little fishing experience, I returned to my spot at the front of the boat & started catching up with the workload I'd been avoiding.

I'm not going to lie to you, it wasn't ideal to have to do uni work & it was still stressful but it was much better than it could've been being holed up in a room all day.

Doing uni work on a boat under the sun? I mean I'm not going to complain.

Once I'd decided that I'd had enough of my work for the day I picked up my book - Pillow thoughts by Courtney Peppernell.

(Side note: if you like poetry definitely give it a go. I've read it a few times now & still love it.)

And I just sat there under the sun. Reading. Content.

And when the sun started setting & as the sky was turning a bright shade of orange we spotted some dolphins by the boat.

I felt like I was in a movie. It all seemed so perfect.

Reading poetry on the deck with dolphins swimming by us, jumping around.

And in that moment, under the sunset watching all of these dolphins jump around in the sea I felt at peace.

There. On a boat so far away from everything. With no internet access. Just me & my book under the sunset.

I felt a sense of calm that I've never felt before.

And it was then, in that moment, I realised that it's the simple things in life. The unexpected & unplanned little moments that are the best.

Because had I planned to go on this trip I'm sure I'd have glammed up & got my brother to snap some good pics of me with his camera.

Yes, I'd have still experienced the sunset & the dolphins & the calm that undoubtedly comes with no internet access but I wouldn't have embraced the clarity of it - the beauty that comes with simplicity.

So there I was, standing there fresh-faced with a messy bun, mesmerized with the sheer beauty that surrounded me.

So I told myself to embrace these moments. To care less about this idea of 'perfection' & always planning the best days out because:

You don't plan the best moments in life - they just happen. xoxo

Here's to another year...

Just a snap of me on my 21st x

Happy New Year everyone!

As some of you may know my birthday was the 31st December, so this New Year I'm not only entering a new decade, but a new stage in my life as well!

Turning 21 is definitely bittersweet, but I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me!

Welcoming the new year usually comes along with resolutions. Things that people want to change about themselves & the unrealistic thought of 'new year new me.'

Now I'm not saying that setting goals is a bad thing - in fact I love setting myself little goals during the year - but why try to reinvent yourself just because?

I look forward to 2020 & all the love & light I'm sure it will bring me. But as I look back at 2019 I can't help but be proud of the person I have already become.

I've been on a rollercoaster of a year with plenty of ups & downs as I'm sure many of you have - because it wouldn't be life without the lows now would it?

It's because of these rough patches this past year that have taken me on a journey of self-discovery & self-love & care which has changed my attitude towards many aspects in my life & I'm grateful for that.

Because without these 'lows' you wouldn't appreciate the highs as much.

In 2019 I've lost friends I thought I'd have forever, & gained friends I never could've imagined. I've spent more quality time with family & loved ones & had some amazing experiences with my nearest & dearest. I traveled to Rome with one of my best friends - something I've dreamed of doing since I was young - & ate way more pasta & pizza than anyone should consume in 4 days!

It's been a year where I've loved, laughed, danced & drunk (sometimes a little too much). Because what's life without indulging a little?

It's also been the year I started my final year of university which has proved very stressful for me. Balancing the workload, social life, family time, as well as time for yourself has proved challenging but I've managed so far.

I've started reading again. Not just reading for my degree, but reading because I want to & because I enjoy it. It's something I stopped a few years ago because 'I didn't have the time' but I've made the conscious effort to find time this year & it's something I'll carry on doing for me.

I've thrown myself into my salsa dancing more this year, going to more social functions & trying harder to improve. On top of throwing myself more into salsa dancing, pole dancing is also something I started doing towards the tail-end of the year which is something I never thought I'd do. It's given me much more confidence & I've met some amazing people through it too.

2019 has proved to me that I'm stronger & more confident than I ever could've imagined & I'm proud of that.

I've learnt to accept myself & my flaws & actually love myself. Because like mama Ru says:

'If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?'

And I'm not about to argue with Ru...

So next year I'm going to stop caring what everyone else thinks & do things for me.

I'm going to take more leaps of faith because what good comes out of staying in your comfort zone?

I'm going to learn to say no more. In the past I've felt bad in case I let people down or I've felt like I had to say yes, but I'm going to start putting my priorities before everyone else's because if you don't put yourself first who will?

2020 will be the year I graduate from university & smash it (I'm speaking this into existence!)

This year I'll continue to find new places to travel to & make new memories in. I'll keep reading & doing things for me.

It's another year of memories with family & loved ones.

It's another year to be grateful for everything I have in life - including my health.

And it's another year of self-discovery, self-love & self-care.

So this year I won't be scared to love & laugh too much. I won't be scared to make mistakes - life's too short. This year I'll appreciate the gift that is life, & I'll try my hardest to enjoy & savour every moment that I can.

I'm looking forward to 2020 & all it has to bring. Not because it's a 'new year new me', but because it's another year I can work towards my goals & continue to strive to be the best version of myself.

So here's to 2020 & being unapologetically me this year! xoxo